Thoughts 25

 The difference between OCD and being generally clean, at least for me, is the hypothetical; the subconscious fear of the elusive worst case scenario.

I just walked into my house. I will take my shoes off right at the door. Why? I know I did not step on any dog poop. Well, maybe, I stepped on a little bit without knowing. Maybe, I stepped on dry bird poop without knowing and it did not stick to my shoe. Maybe, I stepped where someone else who stepped on dog poop once stepped. Maybe I stepped on dried spit. I know roads are never properly cleaned, so anything can be there. Therefore, just to be safe, I must assume everything is on my shoes. Thoughts like this used to keep me up at night. I would think endlessly, then run downstairs with cleaning products to free my mind. It wasn't fun.

It often relapses, but the worst thing is, I have no idea where to draw the line. People don't like touching the handrails on public transport the same way I don't like sitting at home after sitting on public transport in the same clothes.

I'll try to stop it getting worse again.

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